If I knew in HS...

Those are famous words for pretty much any adult I know. If I knew in HS what I know now...what? You'd do things differently? No you wouldn't. You'd try and exact your revenge on the people you thought were mean to you or you'd use this aged wisdom somehow to your advantage or really mess things up worse than you did the first time.

So, tonight, I am innocently on Facebook, updating my status - like you do - when I get a Facebook IM from a girl I went to HS with. Well, I suppose she's a woman now, but in my mind she's a girl. A skinny, pretty girl with long beautiful hair down to her ass who didn't look at me twice unless it was to make a snide comment or throw a dirty look my way. It was a surreal experience. The IM started out - "Autumn! OMG - how are you doing???" As if we're old friends just catching up? Really? You want to know how I am? Seriously? Um, yeah, I'm alright, how about you? Weird.

Okay, so to fully appreciate the aboslute, cosmic WHAT????NESS of the situation, maybe I should recount a little bit of HS for you. I was never what you'd call part of the "in crowd." I wasn't pond scum, but I wasn't anywhere near the upper crust of kids in my HS. Starting out, I'm the oldest of 7 kids. Already not anywhere near your average Orange County, CA kid. On top of that - 4 of my siblings are adopted - GASP! SHOCK! WHAT???? Yes, my parents are saints, I've heard it before. So, okay, I've got 6 brothers and sisters. Let's add to that the fact that while I'm probably 6 months younger than most of my peers, I'm 30 or so points ahead of them in IQ. Now, before you get impressed, I'm not really smart enough to be GENIUS, but I'm not stupid enough to be normal.

Oh, and, did I mention I was fat? Now, in the beginning of HS, just about 15 extra pounds. By graduation, I was carrying around 75 extra or so. Don't start getting all pitying and feeling bad for me - I didn't. I was relatively happy. Way early I realized the what people think (because most people don't actually use their brains) doesn't really matter. Sure, like every American teenager, I wanted friends and to look cute and to have boyfriends and all that crap - but I wasn't caught up in it. Having said all that, I was kinda weird. Not weird enough to be the completely off-the-wall kid, but weird enough to be remembered as the akward, geeky, chubby kid from HS. Not to say I didn't have friends - I did. Not to say I didn't have dates, cause, again, I did. I think my brother put it to me best years after we were out of HS. He says, "Autumn, you were the girl ALL the guys in HS wanted to have sex with - they just didn't want their friends to know about it." Yeah, I wasn't my only issue - my family was special, too.

Anyway, suffice it to say, that while I didn't hate HS, it wasn't "the best time of my life." It was mildly uncomfortable, with spurts of euphoria and others of deep depression - but that's being a teenager, right? So, back to this Facebook chat: let's set this up with the fact that there were maybe 6 girls the same year as me who were ultra-cool. They gained this status in Jr. High and retained it through Senior Year. Oh, did I mention that I went to a private, Christian school filled with rich Newport Beach brats? Oh, and that the only reason I attended was that my mother was the school nurse? Yeah, again with the lack of cool - though I did have an endless supply of hall passes. So, I graduate HS at 17 and pretty much never look back. I don't think I've had regular contact with anyone from HS in at least 10 years.

Then, FACEBOOK! And all of these people I knew in school are sending me friend requests and trying to "re-connect." As of we ever really had a real connection. So, HS was weird and akward, college was a little better, then - I discovered a career! OMG - I had talent. And I could make MONEY! And - though there's A LOT in the middle I'm leaving out, and we can get to it later - at 34, I am a very successful, fairly well-adjusted, happily married, 145 pound 5'6" amazingly beautiful woman - if I do say so myself. I really did come into my own after my late 20's. I found myself and realized that the world could kiss my ass. I'll do what I want, think what I want and be who I want. I'm a corporate systems analyst pulling in a 6 figure salary with 29 tattoos, 8 body piercings, 2 Chihuahuas - oh yeah, and I mention that my husband is HOT???

So, Friday night, I'm at home, rocking out to some great tunes in my living room with my husband while he is singing classic Rick James to me and jamming on one of our guitars. I get a Facebook IM from (well, let's call her Mary) - and she's telling me how great I look and how she's so glad that I'm happy and all this crap that I can't even comprehend because the last time I saw this girl is at graduation when she gives me a dirty look and I leave campus and never look back. So, then I'm looking at her Facebook page and looking at what she's typing to me. OMG - she got fat. And, I think her life must have peaked in HS because her latest Facebook update is something about how Sarah Palin is the greatest woman on the earth. Um, she lost the election, right? Okay, just checking.

Now, I don't know if she was feeling guilty or just had one too many glasses of box wine, but this girl/woman says to me - "You know, we weren't in a lot of classes together, but I know you didn't have the easiest time coming up. You seem like you're happy and doing well. I'm so proud of you and glad to call you my friend."

Yes, that's what she said. I NEVER called this person my friend. Though, probably by about Sophomore year I would have LOVED to. But I got over that about mid-Junior year when I started wearing pajamas to school every day - yeah, don't ask. She said something else about HS being bullshit (my word, not hers) and then something to the effect of "you seem so happy. That's the best revenge against those people who were mean to you - just being happy and successful." Is this real? Doesn't she know that she was like the LEADER of the people who were mean to me??? I suppose if HS was still fresh in my mind I could bring up specific instances, but, hell, that was 16 years ago! A lot has happened since then. HS really wasn't that memorable.

But I guess everyone needs to get things off of their chest, right? So, I'm wondering, was that an apology? Or did she think we were bonding? Was some popular soccer mom mean to her and that got her thinking about all her bad karma? I dunno, just thought it was too good not to write down and share with the many (or few) who might stumble across this. I tend to be a bit scattered, but, if you check back often, I guarantee, it won't be boring. Might be a little hard to follow, but always an interesting read. Happy Friday. Oh, more Rick James awaits....no, wait, I hear that the music has changed.....Shooter Jennings!!!!! "Just can't find no shelter for the Wooooolllllffffff - oh, nononononono!!!!!" As Spank (that's my husband) stage dives from the coffee table.