Today's epiphany...

So, this post is actually part of an email exchange between myself and someone else. But, as I was on dictionary.com to double-check my spelling of "epiphany," the definition struck me as interesting - and, strangely, relevant to this email excerpt - so I share it with you now.

Epiphany
–noun, plural -nies.
1. (initial capital letter) a Christian festival, observed on January 6, commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day.
2. an appearance or manifestation, esp. of a deity.
3. a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
4. a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight.

So my brother's flat-mate ducked out on him today - just before rent is due, of course, and took money and other stuff - leaving my brother in a major lurch. Now, Joeley (my brother) is a missionary in Kiev living on a VERY tight and VERY fixed income. So, it's a pretty crappy situation for him. He posted on his Facebook the sitaution and how he was feeling about it. This, of course, prompted every Christian on-line at the time to give him the "God's will" "his ways are not our ways.." lines. GAG. Yeah, anyway, that sparked an email exchange between one of my brother's friends and me. With respect to him, I'll only post my parts and the pieces I feel relevant.

I didn't realize until I was typing the email that I really thought/felt this way about a few things - so, hmmmm, epiphany today. Enjoy.

The topic started off with Job – because whenever a Christian “suffers” they are immediately reminded of Job’s suffering. My initial comment was “…wouldn't it have been better for God to have not allowed the situation in the first place? I really don't get the whole ‘we don't know why God let's things happen’ comments, either. He lets them happen for sport - doesn't anyone remember Job? ‘Consider my servant, Job...’"

So, the first response to me was about the last chapter of Job being the reasoning behind all of the suffering and an “it all makes sense now” sort of feeling from this person with whom I was exchanging emails. Here’s my first response:

“I've read Job MANY times - and if you're referring to the fact that he ended up with many times more what he had – ‘So the LORD blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning’ - I still don't see how it isn't just for sport.So, God decides to screw with your life (well, let Satan do the screwing, technically), but it's all ok, because, in the end, you'll be blessed? Yeah, I don't go for that. Or perhaps, the part in the chapter where God tells Job's buddies to sacrifice and have Job pray for them? Because, if you suffer and don't whine about it TOO much, then God hears your prayers more than your friends who were jerks? Again, not buying it.Sorry, I know it sounds bitter, but I just think that we, as people, ascribe a lot to God that really isn't in his nature. If it's true that he set Job up to be messed around with, then that's some pretty sick sadism, you know? I believe in God, but I think that this whole ‘he's got my best interests in mind’ or ‘he won't give me more than I can handle’ or ‘he's testing my faith’ stuff is horse crap. (You seem like a decent person, so I'll reserve my more colorful language, but you get the idea.)And, you're right, most kids don't understand why parents do and say what they do - but, the difference here is that kids grow up and learn the motivation behind what their parents were doing. Christians never grow up - they stay kids, under the thumb and will of their ‘Abba’ [that’s Hebrew for Daddy, by the way] God.”

I missed the mark on what the person was saying – the point was that Job’s eternal blessing was in “seeing God.” The reference (Job 42:5, if you’re interested) says, “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You…” Basically, this person was telling me that Job’s suffering allowed him to “be freed from a religious, selfish, [and] impersonal view of God,” and that this was “Job's ultimate blessing.” To which I responded:

“I had heard of God by the ear, and then I met God. Sorry to say, it was a bit like the ‘man behind the curtain’ for me. And, I don't think that it takes immeasurable suffering to be freed from a religious, selfish, impersonal view of God. I started out knowing God as a child - then church settled in (if you know Joel, then you're familiar with our upbringing). [Quite Jesus-y and VERY conservative, but in a cool –GAG – Calvary Chapel way.] I had a very simple, very accurate (in my opinion) view of God as a child - but then religion tries to complicate the beauty of simple things. Man has a tendency to muck things up - it's our special superpower as human beings, I think.

I have spent years getting back to my simple understanding of God - mind you, I can out-argue any Christian - because I know the Bible and all of the arguments better than Christians do(well, almost any - Joel & Dave Rolph trip me up sometimes). I think God is not bound by our concepts of right and wrong or good and evil. Yes, I believe that God is love - but I don't believe that we understand what that means. I don't believe in this benevolent Santa Claus in the sky (I mean, of course, if you have Jesus [because if you don’t have Jesus, the Santa Claus becomes the mean judge with a gavel that sends you to hell, but I digress]). I think that God is much less concerned with us than we think - I believe that God takes interest in us as it suits him - sometimes it suits him, other times it does not. Kind of like a kid with an ant farm.I think that you and I are probably not all that different. I, too, have experienced TREMENDOUS loss - if we continue this dialog, maybe I'll fill you in on the details - but details are really not that important. Suffice it to say that I understand your loss and grief - probably a lot more than most people can. And, while I do believe that God sustained me through very difficult times - there were times that I alone sustained me. [As well as times that other individuals sustained me – not relating to ‘God’ because these individuals don’t believe in God, get it?] There were times when I NEEDED an intervention from God - and it didn't happen. Because he was busy? Or uninterested? Or just interested to see what I would do without help? I have no idea. I do know, though, that God - if he wanted to - could disallow a lot of suffering, and he chooses not to. Which is entirely his prerogative - I mean, he's God, so he kinda gets to do whatever he feels like doing, you know?”

It ends with a few pleasantries, and the dialogue has continued – but these are the important parts – the epiphinous parts, if you will (yes, I made up that word). These excerpts are the ones that surprised me today.

See how many amazing things you can learn about yourself when your mind is uncluttered with other people’s bullshit? Say NO to toxic people! Oh, wait – that’s a bit out of context, another post to get into that – suffice it to say that I have cut ties recently with people who are unhealthy for me to be around. Until next time – ciao!